This
movie, and perhaps even Jackie Kong as a whole, deserve much much more
love. I hadn't heard of this flick before meeting my boyfriend, who
despite it's R18+ rating over here, used to watch it regularly as a kid
with his grandfather. But I had seen and loved Blood Diner, so I was
more than open to anything else that Jackie Kong had to offer. Boy was
I in for a treat - let me tell you, this movie is so damn hilarious
that you'll be quoting it for weeks and that damn theme song will be in
your head for the rest of your natural born life.
The movie begins with our main character, LAPD police officer Melvin
pulling over a strange looking character in a straight jacket who
appears to speak only French, which is of course dubbed over in true
Jackie Kong style. This insane frenchman confesses to Melvin that he
has picked up a hitchiker and severely raped him, while asking him if
he will touch his balls and lick his trunk. Melvin doesn't understand
French, but proceeds to tell the driver that his trunk won't close
because the latch is broken - completely ignoring the fact that there
is a body hanging out of it, successfully showing us that as a cop,
Melvin really isn't that sharp.
We are then treated to a montage of a typical day on the job for
Melvin, including an amorous homeless man, being beaten up by a little
girl, trying to convince a young woman she shouldn't be in the line at
the sperm bank and the pregnant prostitute advertising her "two for
one" sale. I gotta warn you - a lot of this movie rates pretty low on
the taste scale, but it's incredibly funny if you aren't offended
easily.
Back at the precinct, policewoman Sue Perman tells Melvin that their
constantly flatulent, pathological liar midget captain, Captain Lewis
wants to see him. Lewis informs him that he is being promoted to Night
Patrol, and getting a raise and a new partner - Kent Lane. Between
Captain Lewis, Kent Lane and Sue Perman, many Superman jokes ensue when
Captain Lewis starts talking about "crap tonight", making Sue feel
weak. Despite the fact that he lies all the time, Captain Lewis hates
being called a liar, and claims he never said anything about a raise
for Melvin. Sue has a huge crush on Melvin, but he doens't notice at
all.
Night Patrol proves be a big problem for Melvin as he is secretly
moonlighting as the Unknown Comic - a comedian who wears a paper bag on
his head. If Captain Lewis found out about his extra curricular
activities, he would lose his job. Melvin sees a shrink to help him
sort out his double life, but that doesn't seem to do any good. After a
show one night Tex meets Edith Hutton, the woman of his dreams and Kate
Parker, the manager who can make him a star. But just as things appear
to be going great, someone starts robbing local bars with a paper bag
on his head while telling bad jokes, and all fingers are pointed at the
Unknown Comic. Melvin isn't exactly good at disguising the fact that he
is the Unknown Comic either, so it isn't long before Captain Lewis
starts making accusations.
 The
Unknown Comic is beginning to sell out show after show, and thanks to
Kate his star is on the rise. Unfortunately the bag man is also
continuing to rob local bars and Melvin is getting closer and closer to
being blamed for a crime he didn't commit. Kate manages to book the
Unknown Comic for a big show in Vegas, and Sue tries to get Melvin to
go with her to watch the show. Melvin of course refuses, but partially
because he's still hung up on bitchy Edith Hutton, who really only
wants the Unknown Comic because he's going to be rich. Sue goes alone
anyway, but when Melvin (as the Unknown Comic) sees her after the show
he begins to see that she has massive boobs a bigger heart than Edith and he may be chasing the wrong girl.
 Back
in LA, things are starting to come to a head as the bag-man is about to
rob another bar. Everyone suspects Melvin so he is being watched
closely, and to make matters worse the Unknown Comic has a show to
perform. Melvin watches on in horror as the Unknonw Comic takes the
stage, just as the bag man attempts to rob the club! If neither if them
are Melvin, then who are these other two with bags on their heads?
While at times groan-worthy, I can't deny the fact that this movie is
laugh-out-loud good. I must warn you though, it won't be for everyone.
I can imagine
there would be a lot of people who would find this movie incredibly
bad - even unwatchable, but I am not one of those people. The boyfriend
and I enjoy
showing it to people who have yet to see it, that we know share the
same sick sense of humour that we have. In closing, I'd just like to
leave you with one of the Unknown Comic's jokes, which I feel will give
you a good grasp on the classiness of this film:
Q: How do you get a witch pregnant?
A: You fuck her.
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Year:
1984
